i think i should get a new job.
like naming colors.
this is why--
i saw this house in braintree on my walk home from the t station
and it used to be this gorgeous cream color with dark green trim
but the stupid owner painted it this god awful color
something like "pasty"
but with a little bit of red mixed in
and i thought it should be called
"viking with a tan."

***

thank god i have girls like sarah a. murphy and shannon to hang out with
otherwise i might lose my fucking mind.
we were just sitting around and watching movies and tv and eating calzones and chocolates and drinking wine.
that was nice.

***

it's cold.
i can't feel my hands, ears, or cheeks, and i have been in a warm apartment for 15 minutes.
WTF.

***

jon stewart's on.
gotta go.

***

i want to go back to boston.
such a nice city.
lots of people see boston as snotty, standoffish, like the girl sitting in the corner who's " never going to talk to you."
let me assure you--
she's not snotty.
just shy.

Let this be said:

It pains me that it could *never* be me.
It pains me that it *will* never be you.

Am I just saying that to no real end? I'm so bored. I'm choosing poorly. I'd jump at the chance if it were in the scope of reality.

However, it's not. It's just not. The odds of me finding some cheap, easy man under a couch cushion somewhere- now, those are good odds. They're so common in my life. Anyone remember The Raver? (Look Emalie, CODENAMES! I'm LEARNING!)

I bet he reads this shit.

I bet I'm about to get my cocky ass whipped. Well, consider this damages awarded.

Anyhow, how cheap and weird was that whole debacle?

Why do I rail on about guys being perfectionists when I'm just as bad? Worse, even?

Cute won't cut it, I need radiant. Beautiful. Funny's not good enough, I need sharp. Clever. And smart? BRILLIANT. It's just that my definitions are broader, I suppose.

Most people would look at my targets and ask "You see all that?"

Yeah, I see all that.